mothers

[via]

mothers day is right around the corner and it will be my first mothers day. this has become quite a big deal in our house. i told my husband that mothers day is far more important to me than my birthday, christmas, or our anniversary. 

i never thought this day would mean so much to me when i became a mother. i remember mothers day as a child and giving my mom a handmade card, flowers i picked from the garden (or our neighbors garden), and waking up early to make her breakfast with my sister. we would always make her pancakes and they were never good, but my mom loved it. we would then get ready for church and all the children in the congregation would put on a program and sing to the moms. i remember one year, i didn't want to be apart of this program and i sat next to my mom. i remember her encouraging me to go up and sing, but i refused. i didn't understand why she was hurt by this, but now i can get it. 

smith may not be old enough to sing me a song, make me a card, pick me flowers from the garden, or even make me breakfast, but that boy has enough appreciation for me and i can see it in his smiles, laughs and snuggles. everyday when i come home from a long day at work, he sees me and smiles so big and reaches for me. he wants me. he wants me to hold him and he wants to put his face in the nook between my neck and shoulder. he wants to show me that he loves me and appreciates me to no end. i can see this appreciation in his eyes at the end of the day right before bed as he is drinking from his bottle and he is looking right into my eyes and reaches out to touch my cheek. i feel as though he is seeing right through me and looking into my soul, telling me he loves me and that i'm the best mama in the world. he sees past my flaws and sees me for who i really am.  it is the most wonderful feeling in the world and i don't think anything can replace that feeling. 

i know the day will come when we fight, when he tells me he hates me and thinks i'm the lamest mom on the planet, but for now, he loves me and thinks the world of me. he will never stop being the light of my life. i cry when i hear stories of babies being abandoned, kidnapped, or killed. all i can do is think,"what if that was smith?", and i break down. all mothers do this and i never understood why my mom cried when elizabeth smart was kidnapped, but again, now i get it. she was thinking about her children. she hugged us a little tighter that night as she tucked us into bed and told us how much she loved us.

mothers are on call 24/7, 365 days a year. from 3AM cries, when we fall and get hurt, to encouraging us to do our very best. it never, ever ends. mothers never complain about this and we keep pushing forward and trying to find ways to continue to do better. mothers are amazing and they do the best they can.

i'm so excited for mothers day this year and i'm even more excited that i get to have the title as "mama" for the rest of my life. it really is the best thing in the world.