mothers

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mothers day is right around the corner and it will be my first mothers day. this has become quite a big deal in our house. i told my husband that mothers day is far more important to me than my birthday, christmas, or our anniversary. 

i never thought this day would mean so much to me when i became a mother. i remember mothers day as a child and giving my mom a handmade card, flowers i picked from the garden (or our neighbors garden), and waking up early to make her breakfast with my sister. we would always make her pancakes and they were never good, but my mom loved it. we would then get ready for church and all the children in the congregation would put on a program and sing to the moms. i remember one year, i didn't want to be apart of this program and i sat next to my mom. i remember her encouraging me to go up and sing, but i refused. i didn't understand why she was hurt by this, but now i can get it. 

smith may not be old enough to sing me a song, make me a card, pick me flowers from the garden, or even make me breakfast, but that boy has enough appreciation for me and i can see it in his smiles, laughs and snuggles. everyday when i come home from a long day at work, he sees me and smiles so big and reaches for me. he wants me. he wants me to hold him and he wants to put his face in the nook between my neck and shoulder. he wants to show me that he loves me and appreciates me to no end. i can see this appreciation in his eyes at the end of the day right before bed as he is drinking from his bottle and he is looking right into my eyes and reaches out to touch my cheek. i feel as though he is seeing right through me and looking into my soul, telling me he loves me and that i'm the best mama in the world. he sees past my flaws and sees me for who i really am.  it is the most wonderful feeling in the world and i don't think anything can replace that feeling. 

i know the day will come when we fight, when he tells me he hates me and thinks i'm the lamest mom on the planet, but for now, he loves me and thinks the world of me. he will never stop being the light of my life. i cry when i hear stories of babies being abandoned, kidnapped, or killed. all i can do is think,"what if that was smith?", and i break down. all mothers do this and i never understood why my mom cried when elizabeth smart was kidnapped, but again, now i get it. she was thinking about her children. she hugged us a little tighter that night as she tucked us into bed and told us how much she loved us.

mothers are on call 24/7, 365 days a year. from 3AM cries, when we fall and get hurt, to encouraging us to do our very best. it never, ever ends. mothers never complain about this and we keep pushing forward and trying to find ways to continue to do better. mothers are amazing and they do the best they can.

i'm so excited for mothers day this year and i'm even more excited that i get to have the title as "mama" for the rest of my life. it really is the best thing in the world. 

fun in the sun

I really didn't want to start this blog saying, "we went to Goblin Valley". I'm not sure why, but I feel like that is obvious from the pictures so I don't want to say it, but...

we went to Goblin Valley.

we had some fun in the sun. also the cray wind that would whip through there. Saturday night was spent laying awake hoping our tent trailer wouldn't knock blow over and hoping Smith would sleep through it. the tent trailer didn't blow over, and smith kind of slept through it. It was a rough weekend as far as nights go, but other than that, we had a lot of fun.

I love the desert and the desert heat, however, packing a baby in the desert heat is not that much fun. Smith and I were both sweating like crazy when I would have to pack him around. Craig and I would switch off, but being the paranoid mother that I am, I mostly carried him because I kept thinking, "Craig is going to drop him", even though I knew he wouldn't...maybe.

We did some hiking and we even went on a night hike. Not recommended from me, especially if there's no real trail for you to be on. I was following my dad and he would stop and say, "uh oh, we're supposed to be over there...I think". Anxiety levels were through the roof for me. My brother and Cody could've cared less because they were looking for scorpions (in case you didn't know, scorpions glow under a black light so you can easily find them at night. here is proof).

We wish we could go back already. Sometimes I wish I could just run away to the desert and never come back, but something about that also scares me a bit. Maybe someday, I will just move to Arizona and that will be good enough.

Here is a photo overload.

 ^ someone didn't like his shark hat. Too bad, little man. No one wants a burnt head.

 ^ Desert sunsets are amazing. I wish I could watch one every night for the rest of my life.

 ^ this. this is my husband.

The Fault in our Stars

My life is pretty plain.

But it is, seriously. Since my life consists of very little, not-so-exciting-things, I really only do a few things: work, play with baby and husband, read books, take walks, and dream of going on some extravagant vacation to Europe or Australia. Oh, and eat chocolate...let's not forget about the chocolate. Alas, we have no money in the bank account and even if we did have the money to take that vacation, I doubt I would because I'm too lazy to get a passport. I'll just eat cake in my basement and watch hours and hours of TV, thank you very much.

I have been reading "the fault in our stars". This book is everything a girl wants in a book: a handsome fellow that makes our stomach tickle because he knows just want to say, a quirky girl that we can all relate too, humor, love, passion, and a whirlwind of emotions that makes you want to throw the book down and burn after reading (at least, that's what I wanted to do). I know at some point this book will make me sob and my husband won't know what to do with my emotions over a book...poor husbands who don't know how to comfort their wife's over pages with words on it. What will they ever do?

I can't wrap my head around this book. I love it and I hate it. When I read about the book online and the reviews it had, I knew this book would be predictable and let me tell you, it has been. With each page I turn(ed), my gut would tell me, "spoiler alert: [insert what would happen] is going to happen", then BAM! it would happen. I love it...but, you know...predictable.

However

I would recommend reading this book. It's a fast and easy read and if I didn't have a baby, it would've taken me 2 days to finish it. They're making this book into a movie, so you could just wait to see the movie if you're one of those people. I can be that type of person to avoid disappointment since no one likes to walk out of a movie thinking, "welp, that sucked". Twilight was like that for me and now I can honestly, without a reasonable doubt, say I hate and loath that book and movie with all my being. I would pay someone big money to make that book and movie disappear forever. Such a waste.

Lately

>>working on our backyard patio. We dug out the area and laid the gravel and now it just sits. We still need to clean up the dirt from digging out the area, but both Craig and I have been too lazy to care at this point. Besides, the dogs are enjoying having an endless dirt pile that they can dig in without Craig and I getting upset. Maybe we will just keep those damn dirt piles.

>>not being able to buy the pavers for our said patio because our truck broke and it wiped us clean in the financial department. We always save our pennies for fun projects, but then life likes to hit us square in the face and say, "give me all your money!". Why life? WHY?!

>>finally fixing our said truck and having it work like a champ. We were bad car owners and swept the issues it was having under the rug and now I'm wondering why we did that...oh yeah, we wanted a freaking patio.

>>Smith hating his carseat a little more everyday and how I'm dreading going to Goblin Valley this weekend with him. 3.5 hours with a baby who hates his carseat + driving through  Spanish Fork Canyon with a trailer = bring me all the drugs to calm these nerves.

>>watching Desperate Housewives every night when I get home. So predictable and such bad acting, but, oh, how I love it.

>>wasting my time inside watching Desperate Housewives instead of enjoying the amazing weather we've been having. I really should take the dogs to the park, but why waste the time when they have a backyard they can run in? I'm lazy I tell you! Down right lazy. I spend the last 6+ months complaining that we can't go outside because it's too cold and how badly I just want to be outside at the park, with my dogs, and my baby and now that I can do it, I don't. I will regret this when it's 100 degrees outside.

>>I'm terribly excited for all the snow cone stands to open. I see they are being set up, but they're not open yet. Why must they tease me like this? Just gimme the snow cones!

>>attempting to stop drinking soda several times in the last 2 months and failing. My job sometimes gives me lousy headaches so I need caffeine to calm my head. Then, Costco has a sale on their giant-ass packs of soda and I buy 3. I can't waste them, so I must drink them. All.of.them.

>>going to dinner with an old friend. this can either be awkward, or it can be wonderful. Dinner with her was the ladder. I love being able to just sit and talk with someone, they accept you and all your awkwardness that makes you, you, and you can just laugh like you see each other all the time, but the fact is, you haven't seen this person is years. You talk, but you don't see them, you know? I loved it. It was grand and Smith quite enjoyed her company.

>>friends had babies recently and other friends announced their pregnancies with their 2nd or 3rd kid. For some reason, this really bums me out. I get jealous of my friends that just had their babies because that moment when you and your loved one become parents ad you're trying to figure it all out, it's astounding. I miss it, but I don't because I seriously do not like newborns. Give me a baby at two months old and I'll take it. I also get bummed out when someone announces their pregnant, again. I feel like I'm behind in the baby making process and I also loved being pregnant. I miss it, but I think I can wait for it to happen again, if it happens again.

>>this kind of milk coma is the best kind.

Rant 3-26-2014

This is a conversation I had with some woman at a friendly function. My husband knew the people and I did not. Let the awkwardness begin...

Stranger: "You're baby is adorable. How did your labor and delivery go?"

Me: "Thanks! Um....it went well..." I said finding this such an odd question from a complete stranger.

Stranger: "That's great to hear. Where did you have him?"

Me: "AF Hospital"

Stranger (after a very long and awkward pause): "Oh. So you didn't have him at home..." her voice sounded very demeaning and I could tell she was appalled by this.

Me: "No, I wanted the comfort of knowing my baby would be in good hands if something went wrong. There were some complications after the deliver that make be believe that my baby would've died if I had him at home." At this point, I know I'm putting my foot in my mouth, hell, both feet, but I didn't care. I wanted this lady to back off.

Stranger: "Well, I'm a Doula."

Me: "Good for you."

At this point, I already knew I didn't like this lady and I didn't care her opinions she had about me. We were obviously on two different pages. Later in the evening, she proceeds to ask me more questions about my labor and delivery, pregnancy, life choices, social security number (not really, but she very well could've with how personal she was getting), etc. All of these questions are private and are really odd to be asking someone that you don't know.

Stranger: "I did so much schooling before I had my baby. Now, I'm a stay at home mom and loving it. How do you like staying at home?"

Me: "um...I'm not, I work full-time"

Stranger: "Oh. What do you do with your baby? Where did you get your education?"

Me: "We have a sitter arranged and it's working well. I didn't go to school for the job that I'm in. I went to dental assisting school after high school, but that didn't work out in my favor. I worked at a dental office for about a year and it was quite possibly the worst job I ever had. Now, I work at Close To My Heart and I love my job."

Stranger: "You mean...you didn't go do college and get a degree? That's to bad..."

Me, very much so wanting to punch this lady right in her baby box: "Not really. I'm quite happy with where I'm at in my life. Everything is working great in our favor and I'm really blessed."

Stranger: "oh. Well...good for you." Mind you, she did not say this in a nice tone. I know her intention was to sound nice, but this lady had already gotten on my bad side and I didn't give a damn about her opinion.

Why does it matter so much to people what other people do with their life? Just because I didn't go to school to get a MBA in business with a minor in English and I don't stay at home with my baby does not make me less of a mother. Also, I don't think having your baby at home is such a good idea. There is so much that can go wrong with delivering a baby and I didn't want to risk it. If you want to have your baby at home that is your prerogative and I won't judge you. I've heard many horror stories about home births and I've also heard beautiful ones. With me, it was a matter of putting my baby in the best situation possible and thank God that I made the decision that I did or my baby may not be with me today.

I really hate the mommy-battles. The never, ever, ever end. You feed your baby formula? You're a terrible mother because you can't produce breast milk. You vaccinate your baby? How dare I put him at risk for potential issues that DO NOT exist with vaccinating your children. You don't co-sleep with your baby? How awful. Now your baby will die in his sleep.

This list goes on and on and on. I've never received so much criticism from complete strangers because I decided to raise my child differently than them. I never thought that so many people would be offering their "advise" when I never asked for it.

Some people.

7 months

On Saturday, March 22, Smith turned 7 months old. We celebrated by taking an impromptu photo-shoot. Here are the pictures that we took:

This session took place in our basement with a some poster/mat board and a wood grain banner that i had custom made through Banner Buzz. You can buy banners similar to the wood grain one on Etsy, but they can get expensive. I was able to have this one done for about $25 and it has been worth every penny.

Obviously my photography need some improvement, but I feel I'm getting better every time I pick up my camera. Practice makes perfect, right?

Also, I want to say how hard it was to find that white button-up-collared shirt. We have searched nearly every baby store in Utah County for one of those damn shirts and we came up empty handed. You would think with Easter being right around the corner that there would be dress shirts for boys everywhere, but no. You can find a million dresses for girls, but nothing "dress-up" for boys. What. the. hell. I was getting pretty irate about this because all I wanted was a white shirt for him. After about a month of searching, I gave up the battle and looked online. To add fuel to the fire, I couldn't find one online that a.) was his size, b.) looked ugly as hell, c.) didn't have some stupid phrase like, "mommies little lamb" written on it (seriously, why do kids clothing have to say something on it? Simplicity is best baby clothes makers), or d.) wasn't expensive. Finally, I found this number at Carters.com in their clearance section. It didn't even come up when I searched "white button shirt". Kind of annoying Carters. Luckily, it's slightly too big so it has some growing room. I'm so looking forward to the day it doesn't fit him anymore and I have to go on the hunt again for another one. *epic sigh*.

Happy seven months of life, little man!

6 months+updates

I really should start posting more about other things besides Smith, but what can I say?! I love this little man of ours.

Smith turned 6 months on the 22 of February. It's crazy how fast time is going by and it doesn't seem to slow down. ever.

Smith is still doing great as ever. These last 6 months have taught me a lot about myself and what I can really handle as human being. I used to be the mom that would slightly glare at the mother with a screaming child, but now I understand and give them a little smile of, "I know the feeling, hang in there" because I know how that is. It's hard to have a screaming baby in the middle of Target and everyone is looking at you like, "Hey, shut that kid up", but there is only so much a mother can do for a teething baby that has been good all day, but he has finally had it and wants to be held and go to sleep, but you're in the middle of Target and you can't do that until you get everything you need. It's tough.

Sometimes when Smith is screaming, he is doing just that; screaming. Not crying or fussing, just screaming. He's recently found how loud he can get his voice to go and he likes to test it everywhere we go. He sometimes sounds like a little girl screaming, but I assure you, I have a boy. He thinks it's hilarious and so do I. I also find it embarrassing when I realize I'm screaming with him and the teenage boy down the isle is looking at me like I've gone bananas. Kids make you do that. You forget you're around other people and you just start playing with your baby because it's fun. No one else will get that unless you have kids.

Smith is still growing like a weed. He's 16 lbs 8 oz (25th percentile) and 28 inches (90th percentile). This means he will be tall and skinny. We're already finding this an issue when it comes to pants. Finding pants for a baby that is tall and skinny is impossible. All pants for boys are made for chubby babies and it's frustrating. I've almost started to buy him girl pants because they're the only thing that fits him, but I haven't ventured down the path of my baby turning into an emo-boy-playing-a-guitar-hair-in-face route just yet. I might wait a few years to see if Carters, Children's Place or any other baby clothing store will make pants for non-chubby babies.

He's still not crawling. He just rolls to where he wants to go. He's putting weight on his legs and does a really good job of supporting himself, but he still has no interest in crawling.

We now have a new babysitter! Our sister-in-law, Drea (Craig's brothers wife) is now watching him and we were thrilled when she said she could watch him. He just started going there and we're already very pleased with this arrangement. I received this picture from her on his first day with her:

How happy does that kid look?! It was a huge relief to see this picture knowing that Smith was surviving and that Drea was surviving as well. We love Auntie Drea!

If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you've seen this video already, but watch it again because it's funny and cute! 

This is Smith trying a pickle for the first time: