shall we meet...again?

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."

- Thomas A. Edison

 

 Image source: Pinterest

i often wonder why i have a blog. maybe i should be more diligent about posting, but life just sometimes gets in the way. i do regret not being more diligent about it and really pushing myself to post because i've missed so much. i would access my blog and think, "hey, just do it. write something", but alas, nothing happened. i should have shia labeouf'd the hell out of those moments.

"15 months" was my last post. smith is now 2.5 years old. what the hell? do i go back and post all those moments? do i start over fresh? do i just roll with it and pretend like it didn't happen? i'm not really sure. going back sounds daunting, yet i feel like i will regret it later on. this blog has always meant to be more of an online journal--nothing personal, nothing to extreme, just a way for me to document moments in my life whether they be big or small. even if it's just a rant session of how i dislike 99% of my co-workers.

how many times have i done this? the "lets start over" talk with this blog? 2-3 times? maybe. does it matter? guess it depends on who you ask. but here i am doing it again. we may be here again in the future, but i will try my hardest to try harder.

15 months

receptionist: hi! what can i do for you?

me: my baby has a doctor appointment with dr. brockbank, so i'm just checking him in.

receptionist: great! what is his first name?

me: smith.

receptionist: okay...(does something on her computer). what's your sons name?

me: smith...smith taylor.

receptionist: no, your sons name, not the doctors name that you're seeing today.

me: ...right...smith...he is seeing dr. brockbank.

receptionist: (looking confused) okay...and your son's first name?

me: *sign* yeah....it's smith...his first name is smith....smith....

receptionist: oh! oh my goodness i'm so sorry about that! (starts rambling about how she knows another baby named smith).

 weight: 25th percentile // height : 90th percentile.
aka: tall and skinny

i'll give the receptionist a break, she was new and was in the middle of training, and my babies name can be a bit confusing since it is technically a last name.

i feel for this little monster. the moment he saw the nurse, he started screaming.  that poor, sweet nurse is seen as the devil in smith's eyes.  no good comes from her, after all, she is the one that gives him his shots.

getting his weight, temperature, and height was too exhausting for smith, myself, and the wonderful devil nurse.  he screamed until he turned a shade of redish-purple, and giant tears were rolling down his checks so much that my shirt was saturated (i won't tell you about the snot coming from his nose).  finally, after the nurse was done with him and left the room, he calmed down and wanted to play.  we played peek-a-boo, "find your nose", and danced in the room until the dr. came in.  smith may or may not have shut down the room's computer, causing a big ol' fuss.

once the dr. came in, smith was all smiles and giggles.  the dr. played with him and even picked him up and stretched him to the ceiling just so smith could touch the light.

once the dr. left the room, the nurse came back in. as soon as she entered the room, smith glanced at the syringes in her hand and back to her. he tried to butter her up by playing peed-a-boo, waiving at her and saying "hi", and he even attempted to have her hold him.  he was stalling.  after a few moments of them playing together, the nurse said, "okay; lets put him on the table.  you're probably going to want to hold him down."  i'm sure you can fill in the rest.

the nice thing is, smith only cries when the nurses are in the room and, of course, during his shots.  right when the nurse leaves the room, he stops crying.  he then looked up at me with sad, tear-filled eyes and rosey checks and poked my nose and laughed.  i snuggle him just for reassurance that i do love him.

success

i'll never get over the beauty of fall. there is something so tranquil about it even if i know that winter is coming.

lately, i've been thinking a lot about success and how it's measured by others. i don't like that some people base your success of your job title and how much money you make. even if you work at a fast food restaurant making more than enough to live off of, someone may not think you're successful because of the job you have.  but if someone works as a supervisor, manager, CEO, CFO etc., you're deemed as successful, even though that person may had loads of debt they can't afford.

i consider myself successful. not as successful as i would like to be, but i'm getting ahead of myself. i have a great job, a house, a good husband, a child, and great friends and family. however, some people that know us don't consider us "successful" because i basically work in a call center and i'm not able to stay at home with our baby. i hate that our success if based off these two things. it doesn't matter to some people that we do have a house and we can pay our bills and this really, really bothers me. i want others to see my success and not base an opinion based on the little things.

i hope that i'm not judging others based off what they have and don't have. everyone is happy in their own way and with whatever they have or don't have. i've seem extremely happy families with much less than i have and other families that seem to have everything be miserable. i think that we all just need to find what makes us happy and stick with it. i need to stop worrying about what other people's opinions are of me, even though that is always easier said than done.

a boy & his kitty

let me start off by saying that we have 4 pets; 2 dogs and 2 cats. smith loves all our pets, but there is some kind of secret bond between smith and simon. smith adores simon, simon tolerates smith.  

when simon comes into the room, something lights up in smith and he walks/crawls towards him. simon will lay on the floor and smith will tackle simon and just lay on him. simon doesn't seem to mind this at all; he actually seems to enjoy it.

smith will rub his face in his fur (we're glad he's not allergic), pull his ears, pull his tail, feet, whiskers, basically anything that he can get his little hands on. simon just lays there and take it like a champ. when simon is sick of it, it just leaves rather than biting him.

i've never met a kid that likes cats this much and i've never met a cat that puts up with kids the way simon does. if we have all the pets in one room, he will always go to simon first.

when smith was first born and we brought him home, we hung out with smith mostly in our bedroom which is upstairs. simon refused to come up the stairs for the first 2 months that smith was there. once he warmed up to smith, it was a love that could not be broke.

i hope these two remain friends throughout the rest of simons life. maybe they will come up with a way to make cats live forever, cause the idea of that kitty leaving our family is a rough subject.

sunday, funday

for the last month, going on two months, craig and i wake up sunday morning, eat a quick breakfast, and go for a drive through the canyon. we consider this our church since we're no longer practicing the Mormon faith. these drives have been our time to spend as a family, reflect on the past and future, set goals (personal, as parents, and as husband and wife). this is the time that we really get to sit and talk to each other completely uninterrupted about our past week, our frustrations, our accomplishments and our over all feelings. i look forward to these drives each week and have the opportunity to "rekindle", per se, my relationship with craig.

these drives get me through the week. i'm hating the fact that the canyon will close down due to the winter season and soon our sunday drives will cease to exist because of the snow. i hate winter, and my bones begin to ache when i think about it and i can feel those "winter blues" coming on strong.

i need these sunday drives. they are my outlet. i need these little getaways with my husband and baby. i need these conversations i have with craig where he can make me feel better about how work has been stressing me out, or how i wish i could just be home with my baby.

these two boys of mine are the best thing that has ever happened to me. i love that these two can make me laugh at the drop of a hat. with these two around, i never have a dull moment. smith's newest thing is "head banging", or his version of it. this is mostly him shaking his head no to the music, but hey, it works, right?

i hope that we can find another route for our sunday drives once winter comes, but until then, i'm enjoying the quickly changing scenery of the alpine loop.

Smith turns one

For some reason, Smith's 1st birthday was really hard for me. It was a whirlwind of emotions. First, I was so excited; excited for him to go to the zoo for the first time and see all the animals. Excited for him to be growing up so quickly and seeing the world with fresh eyes. Then I was depressed and emotional; depressed that this year flew by and the feeling that I had missed so much in his first year. Working full time is extremely difficult, especially as your baby gets older. You realize how much you actually miss, how much you miss them, and how much they miss you. With these thoughts, the emotions set in. Often, I would have to leave the room or just take a deep breath to keep the lump in my throat at bay. Last, there was me being upset; I was upset with the fact that his birthday party/BBQ couldn't be outside like we had planned because the weather turned on us. Upset that I wasn't able to use all the decorations that I had planned for because of the limited space we had. Upset that I felt sick all night because of my anxiety and couldn't enjoy any food. 

 

 There was a point in the day that I felt like I just couldn't handle it anymore. I get stressed so easily and I felt like everything had gone wrong. I felt like I had failed my son on his very first birthday.

 There was another point that I was holding on to the fact that technically he's only 11 months old and he won't be one until 10:04PM that night. I could not, would not let my baby go.

 Craig was over the moon that day. He's been waiting for Smith to grow up since he was born. He wants to play with him outside and go on hikes with him. He wants him to talk and be able to interact with us a little more. This made me upset because again, I didn't want to let my baby go.

 The stress quickly became overwhelming. I didn't know why I was so stressed out over such a happy day. I couldn't help but reminisce over the last year. I would nudge my husband and say, "Honey, this time last year we were just checking into the hospital. Remember that feeling?"

 My thoughts throughout the day trailed off to that same day in 2013 when we welcomed our sweet, tiny baby into the world. Remembering what it was like to wake up in the middle of the night to find that my water had broke. To looking at my husband with love stricken eyes thinking that we were soon going to be parents.

 Thoughts of each nurse coming in to check on me, each one kinder than the last as my time inched closer. God bless those nurses. I get emotional just thinking about those lovely ladies.

 Thoughts of when it was time for me to start pushing. I began pushing at 7:30PM and each push would bring on a new wave of emotions. I pushed for 2.5 hours and there is a point that I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. The sweet Dr. and nurse trying to tell me how to push, but your numb from the epidural, so I really had no idea if I was doing it right. Then the thought of when I could feel the epidural wearing off and my body kicked in and I just knew what to do. Then finally, the feeling of him leaving my body after 9 long months. That feeling was overwhelming and the best feeling I've ever felt.

Smiths birthday was really amazing, but I wanted something different. I had planned and envisioned something different in my head and when it didn't go according to plan, I felt defeated. Honestly, it was a great day filled with family, lots of love, emotions, and lots of toys for our little man.

When we arrived home that night from his long day of partying, I put Smith in his crib and admired him. As I watched him sleep, I thought about the time I first met him and the worry I felt for him because he had to be in NICU since his wasn't breathing well. As I reflected on these emotions, I checked my phone: 10:04PM. A tear rolled down my cheek. I knew I had to let my baby go. As he slept peacefully, I was being torn apart inside. "Happy birthday, turkey", I whispered as I rub his little head, "I love you so much, it's stupid".

Happy Birthday, Smith!

where i need to be

last week, i sat down to right a post about smith at 9 months and how he is almost crawling. i didn't finish the post since i was at work and forgot to work on it the next day. i kept getting slightly frustrated with the situation of him not crawling because his cousin, who is a day younger than him, is crawling around. i also have a friend whose baby is about a month older than smith and her baby is walking. i was worried that my baby would never get it, but everyone assured me that he would get it.

he turned nine months on may 22 and on may 23, i received this:

i was just getting ready to leave work and i noticed my babysitter sent me an email. she's always been great to send us cute videos and pictures as she takes them. the moment i saw that it was a video, i knew what it was and i started to cry a little. "i missed it", i thought to myself, "you missed something important in your sons life."  i let out a heavy sigh and told myself it didn't matter and that i was proud of him even though i missed a milestone, but as i watched the video, i could feel the weight of the moment on my chest crushing me and whispering, "you're a terrible mom for working full time. look at what you missed. you will never, ever get to see this moment for the first time in person because you work". i knew i was just being hard on myself and i needed to see the moment for what it was and know that because i work i'm able to provide much, much more for my son, but that weight still sat, mocking me. 

after the video was done, i raced out of work and drove home much to fast to see my baby in action. i thew my car in park and bolted in the house to find my baby laughing and playing with my husband. i watched from afar and told myself not to get upset that i missed him crawling for the first time. that i was here now and i should go down play with my family. i took a deep breath and walked down stairs. as i walked down the stairs, smith saw me and smiled something fierce at me and crawled to me begging me to pick him up. he was all smiles and giggles as he crawled towards me and when i sat on the floor to greet him, time stood still. in that moment, the weight of knowing i wasn't there when he first crawled vanished because here he was crawling to his mama...me, showing me what he had learned that day. he could care less that i wasn't there when he first learned to crawl, all he cared about in that moment was that i was there watching him and that i would be on the receiving end to pick him up, give him a hug and a kiss and tell him how proud i was of him (you know, as all 9 month old babies do) and I did just that. 

I will never stop telling my baby how proud of him i am because i am one proud mama. from the little things like eating on his own, or milestones such as walking or crawling. as a working mom, i need to accept that i won't be there for everything he does, but know that i am doing what is best for my family at this time. maybe there will be a day that i will be able to stay home with my baby, but for now, i'm exactly where i need to be.

mothers

[via]

mothers day is right around the corner and it will be my first mothers day. this has become quite a big deal in our house. i told my husband that mothers day is far more important to me than my birthday, christmas, or our anniversary. 

i never thought this day would mean so much to me when i became a mother. i remember mothers day as a child and giving my mom a handmade card, flowers i picked from the garden (or our neighbors garden), and waking up early to make her breakfast with my sister. we would always make her pancakes and they were never good, but my mom loved it. we would then get ready for church and all the children in the congregation would put on a program and sing to the moms. i remember one year, i didn't want to be apart of this program and i sat next to my mom. i remember her encouraging me to go up and sing, but i refused. i didn't understand why she was hurt by this, but now i can get it. 

smith may not be old enough to sing me a song, make me a card, pick me flowers from the garden, or even make me breakfast, but that boy has enough appreciation for me and i can see it in his smiles, laughs and snuggles. everyday when i come home from a long day at work, he sees me and smiles so big and reaches for me. he wants me. he wants me to hold him and he wants to put his face in the nook between my neck and shoulder. he wants to show me that he loves me and appreciates me to no end. i can see this appreciation in his eyes at the end of the day right before bed as he is drinking from his bottle and he is looking right into my eyes and reaches out to touch my cheek. i feel as though he is seeing right through me and looking into my soul, telling me he loves me and that i'm the best mama in the world. he sees past my flaws and sees me for who i really am.  it is the most wonderful feeling in the world and i don't think anything can replace that feeling. 

i know the day will come when we fight, when he tells me he hates me and thinks i'm the lamest mom on the planet, but for now, he loves me and thinks the world of me. he will never stop being the light of my life. i cry when i hear stories of babies being abandoned, kidnapped, or killed. all i can do is think,"what if that was smith?", and i break down. all mothers do this and i never understood why my mom cried when elizabeth smart was kidnapped, but again, now i get it. she was thinking about her children. she hugged us a little tighter that night as she tucked us into bed and told us how much she loved us.

mothers are on call 24/7, 365 days a year. from 3AM cries, when we fall and get hurt, to encouraging us to do our very best. it never, ever ends. mothers never complain about this and we keep pushing forward and trying to find ways to continue to do better. mothers are amazing and they do the best they can.

i'm so excited for mothers day this year and i'm even more excited that i get to have the title as "mama" for the rest of my life. it really is the best thing in the world. 

fun in the sun

I really didn't want to start this blog saying, "we went to Goblin Valley". I'm not sure why, but I feel like that is obvious from the pictures so I don't want to say it, but...

we went to Goblin Valley.

we had some fun in the sun. also the cray wind that would whip through there. Saturday night was spent laying awake hoping our tent trailer wouldn't knock blow over and hoping Smith would sleep through it. the tent trailer didn't blow over, and smith kind of slept through it. It was a rough weekend as far as nights go, but other than that, we had a lot of fun.

I love the desert and the desert heat, however, packing a baby in the desert heat is not that much fun. Smith and I were both sweating like crazy when I would have to pack him around. Craig and I would switch off, but being the paranoid mother that I am, I mostly carried him because I kept thinking, "Craig is going to drop him", even though I knew he wouldn't...maybe.

We did some hiking and we even went on a night hike. Not recommended from me, especially if there's no real trail for you to be on. I was following my dad and he would stop and say, "uh oh, we're supposed to be over there...I think". Anxiety levels were through the roof for me. My brother and Cody could've cared less because they were looking for scorpions (in case you didn't know, scorpions glow under a black light so you can easily find them at night. here is proof).

We wish we could go back already. Sometimes I wish I could just run away to the desert and never come back, but something about that also scares me a bit. Maybe someday, I will just move to Arizona and that will be good enough.

Here is a photo overload.

 ^ someone didn't like his shark hat. Too bad, little man. No one wants a burnt head.

 ^ Desert sunsets are amazing. I wish I could watch one every night for the rest of my life.

 ^ this. this is my husband.

The Fault in our Stars

My life is pretty plain.

But it is, seriously. Since my life consists of very little, not-so-exciting-things, I really only do a few things: work, play with baby and husband, read books, take walks, and dream of going on some extravagant vacation to Europe or Australia. Oh, and eat chocolate...let's not forget about the chocolate. Alas, we have no money in the bank account and even if we did have the money to take that vacation, I doubt I would because I'm too lazy to get a passport. I'll just eat cake in my basement and watch hours and hours of TV, thank you very much.

I have been reading "the fault in our stars". This book is everything a girl wants in a book: a handsome fellow that makes our stomach tickle because he knows just want to say, a quirky girl that we can all relate too, humor, love, passion, and a whirlwind of emotions that makes you want to throw the book down and burn after reading (at least, that's what I wanted to do). I know at some point this book will make me sob and my husband won't know what to do with my emotions over a book...poor husbands who don't know how to comfort their wife's over pages with words on it. What will they ever do?

I can't wrap my head around this book. I love it and I hate it. When I read about the book online and the reviews it had, I knew this book would be predictable and let me tell you, it has been. With each page I turn(ed), my gut would tell me, "spoiler alert: [insert what would happen] is going to happen", then BAM! it would happen. I love it...but, you know...predictable.

However

I would recommend reading this book. It's a fast and easy read and if I didn't have a baby, it would've taken me 2 days to finish it. They're making this book into a movie, so you could just wait to see the movie if you're one of those people. I can be that type of person to avoid disappointment since no one likes to walk out of a movie thinking, "welp, that sucked". Twilight was like that for me and now I can honestly, without a reasonable doubt, say I hate and loath that book and movie with all my being. I would pay someone big money to make that book and movie disappear forever. Such a waste.

Lately

>>working on our backyard patio. We dug out the area and laid the gravel and now it just sits. We still need to clean up the dirt from digging out the area, but both Craig and I have been too lazy to care at this point. Besides, the dogs are enjoying having an endless dirt pile that they can dig in without Craig and I getting upset. Maybe we will just keep those damn dirt piles.

>>not being able to buy the pavers for our said patio because our truck broke and it wiped us clean in the financial department. We always save our pennies for fun projects, but then life likes to hit us square in the face and say, "give me all your money!". Why life? WHY?!

>>finally fixing our said truck and having it work like a champ. We were bad car owners and swept the issues it was having under the rug and now I'm wondering why we did that...oh yeah, we wanted a freaking patio.

>>Smith hating his carseat a little more everyday and how I'm dreading going to Goblin Valley this weekend with him. 3.5 hours with a baby who hates his carseat + driving through  Spanish Fork Canyon with a trailer = bring me all the drugs to calm these nerves.

>>watching Desperate Housewives every night when I get home. So predictable and such bad acting, but, oh, how I love it.

>>wasting my time inside watching Desperate Housewives instead of enjoying the amazing weather we've been having. I really should take the dogs to the park, but why waste the time when they have a backyard they can run in? I'm lazy I tell you! Down right lazy. I spend the last 6+ months complaining that we can't go outside because it's too cold and how badly I just want to be outside at the park, with my dogs, and my baby and now that I can do it, I don't. I will regret this when it's 100 degrees outside.

>>I'm terribly excited for all the snow cone stands to open. I see they are being set up, but they're not open yet. Why must they tease me like this? Just gimme the snow cones!

>>attempting to stop drinking soda several times in the last 2 months and failing. My job sometimes gives me lousy headaches so I need caffeine to calm my head. Then, Costco has a sale on their giant-ass packs of soda and I buy 3. I can't waste them, so I must drink them. All.of.them.

>>going to dinner with an old friend. this can either be awkward, or it can be wonderful. Dinner with her was the ladder. I love being able to just sit and talk with someone, they accept you and all your awkwardness that makes you, you, and you can just laugh like you see each other all the time, but the fact is, you haven't seen this person is years. You talk, but you don't see them, you know? I loved it. It was grand and Smith quite enjoyed her company.

>>friends had babies recently and other friends announced their pregnancies with their 2nd or 3rd kid. For some reason, this really bums me out. I get jealous of my friends that just had their babies because that moment when you and your loved one become parents ad you're trying to figure it all out, it's astounding. I miss it, but I don't because I seriously do not like newborns. Give me a baby at two months old and I'll take it. I also get bummed out when someone announces their pregnant, again. I feel like I'm behind in the baby making process and I also loved being pregnant. I miss it, but I think I can wait for it to happen again, if it happens again.

>>this kind of milk coma is the best kind.

Rant 3-26-2014

This is a conversation I had with some woman at a friendly function. My husband knew the people and I did not. Let the awkwardness begin...

Stranger: "You're baby is adorable. How did your labor and delivery go?"

Me: "Thanks! Um....it went well..." I said finding this such an odd question from a complete stranger.

Stranger: "That's great to hear. Where did you have him?"

Me: "AF Hospital"

Stranger (after a very long and awkward pause): "Oh. So you didn't have him at home..." her voice sounded very demeaning and I could tell she was appalled by this.

Me: "No, I wanted the comfort of knowing my baby would be in good hands if something went wrong. There were some complications after the deliver that make be believe that my baby would've died if I had him at home." At this point, I know I'm putting my foot in my mouth, hell, both feet, but I didn't care. I wanted this lady to back off.

Stranger: "Well, I'm a Doula."

Me: "Good for you."

At this point, I already knew I didn't like this lady and I didn't care her opinions she had about me. We were obviously on two different pages. Later in the evening, she proceeds to ask me more questions about my labor and delivery, pregnancy, life choices, social security number (not really, but she very well could've with how personal she was getting), etc. All of these questions are private and are really odd to be asking someone that you don't know.

Stranger: "I did so much schooling before I had my baby. Now, I'm a stay at home mom and loving it. How do you like staying at home?"

Me: "um...I'm not, I work full-time"

Stranger: "Oh. What do you do with your baby? Where did you get your education?"

Me: "We have a sitter arranged and it's working well. I didn't go to school for the job that I'm in. I went to dental assisting school after high school, but that didn't work out in my favor. I worked at a dental office for about a year and it was quite possibly the worst job I ever had. Now, I work at Close To My Heart and I love my job."

Stranger: "You mean...you didn't go do college and get a degree? That's to bad..."

Me, very much so wanting to punch this lady right in her baby box: "Not really. I'm quite happy with where I'm at in my life. Everything is working great in our favor and I'm really blessed."

Stranger: "oh. Well...good for you." Mind you, she did not say this in a nice tone. I know her intention was to sound nice, but this lady had already gotten on my bad side and I didn't give a damn about her opinion.

Why does it matter so much to people what other people do with their life? Just because I didn't go to school to get a MBA in business with a minor in English and I don't stay at home with my baby does not make me less of a mother. Also, I don't think having your baby at home is such a good idea. There is so much that can go wrong with delivering a baby and I didn't want to risk it. If you want to have your baby at home that is your prerogative and I won't judge you. I've heard many horror stories about home births and I've also heard beautiful ones. With me, it was a matter of putting my baby in the best situation possible and thank God that I made the decision that I did or my baby may not be with me today.

I really hate the mommy-battles. The never, ever, ever end. You feed your baby formula? You're a terrible mother because you can't produce breast milk. You vaccinate your baby? How dare I put him at risk for potential issues that DO NOT exist with vaccinating your children. You don't co-sleep with your baby? How awful. Now your baby will die in his sleep.

This list goes on and on and on. I've never received so much criticism from complete strangers because I decided to raise my child differently than them. I never thought that so many people would be offering their "advise" when I never asked for it.

Some people.

7 months

On Saturday, March 22, Smith turned 7 months old. We celebrated by taking an impromptu photo-shoot. Here are the pictures that we took:

This session took place in our basement with a some poster/mat board and a wood grain banner that i had custom made through Banner Buzz. You can buy banners similar to the wood grain one on Etsy, but they can get expensive. I was able to have this one done for about $25 and it has been worth every penny.

Obviously my photography need some improvement, but I feel I'm getting better every time I pick up my camera. Practice makes perfect, right?

Also, I want to say how hard it was to find that white button-up-collared shirt. We have searched nearly every baby store in Utah County for one of those damn shirts and we came up empty handed. You would think with Easter being right around the corner that there would be dress shirts for boys everywhere, but no. You can find a million dresses for girls, but nothing "dress-up" for boys. What. the. hell. I was getting pretty irate about this because all I wanted was a white shirt for him. After about a month of searching, I gave up the battle and looked online. To add fuel to the fire, I couldn't find one online that a.) was his size, b.) looked ugly as hell, c.) didn't have some stupid phrase like, "mommies little lamb" written on it (seriously, why do kids clothing have to say something on it? Simplicity is best baby clothes makers), or d.) wasn't expensive. Finally, I found this number at Carters.com in their clearance section. It didn't even come up when I searched "white button shirt". Kind of annoying Carters. Luckily, it's slightly too big so it has some growing room. I'm so looking forward to the day it doesn't fit him anymore and I have to go on the hunt again for another one. *epic sigh*.

Happy seven months of life, little man!

6 months+updates

I really should start posting more about other things besides Smith, but what can I say?! I love this little man of ours.

Smith turned 6 months on the 22 of February. It's crazy how fast time is going by and it doesn't seem to slow down. ever.

Smith is still doing great as ever. These last 6 months have taught me a lot about myself and what I can really handle as human being. I used to be the mom that would slightly glare at the mother with a screaming child, but now I understand and give them a little smile of, "I know the feeling, hang in there" because I know how that is. It's hard to have a screaming baby in the middle of Target and everyone is looking at you like, "Hey, shut that kid up", but there is only so much a mother can do for a teething baby that has been good all day, but he has finally had it and wants to be held and go to sleep, but you're in the middle of Target and you can't do that until you get everything you need. It's tough.

Sometimes when Smith is screaming, he is doing just that; screaming. Not crying or fussing, just screaming. He's recently found how loud he can get his voice to go and he likes to test it everywhere we go. He sometimes sounds like a little girl screaming, but I assure you, I have a boy. He thinks it's hilarious and so do I. I also find it embarrassing when I realize I'm screaming with him and the teenage boy down the isle is looking at me like I've gone bananas. Kids make you do that. You forget you're around other people and you just start playing with your baby because it's fun. No one else will get that unless you have kids.

Smith is still growing like a weed. He's 16 lbs 8 oz (25th percentile) and 28 inches (90th percentile). This means he will be tall and skinny. We're already finding this an issue when it comes to pants. Finding pants for a baby that is tall and skinny is impossible. All pants for boys are made for chubby babies and it's frustrating. I've almost started to buy him girl pants because they're the only thing that fits him, but I haven't ventured down the path of my baby turning into an emo-boy-playing-a-guitar-hair-in-face route just yet. I might wait a few years to see if Carters, Children's Place or any other baby clothing store will make pants for non-chubby babies.

He's still not crawling. He just rolls to where he wants to go. He's putting weight on his legs and does a really good job of supporting himself, but he still has no interest in crawling.

We now have a new babysitter! Our sister-in-law, Drea (Craig's brothers wife) is now watching him and we were thrilled when she said she could watch him. He just started going there and we're already very pleased with this arrangement. I received this picture from her on his first day with her:

How happy does that kid look?! It was a huge relief to see this picture knowing that Smith was surviving and that Drea was surviving as well. We love Auntie Drea!

If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you've seen this video already, but watch it again because it's funny and cute! 

This is Smith trying a pickle for the first time:

Animal crackers in my soup

I'm not sure why that song gets in my head whenever I think of Smith eating solid food, but it just does.

When Smith was about 4 months old we tried to give him oatmeal and it did not go over well. We tried for about 2 weeks and it was nothing but an uphill battle. The internet, aka: the all knowing, said he should be ready since most kids are ready by 4 months old. I thought something was wrong and I asked about it at his 4 month check-up. The Dr. said he isn't ready and that all kids do things when they are good and ready. For example: Smith was rolling over (back to stomach, stomach to back) by 3 months old. Most babies aren't at this stage at this age. He was also doing babbling and was very alert at 2 weeks and I guess this isn't always normal either. However, he isn't quite sitting up on his own yet (at 6 months) and has zero interest in crawling. Anyways, my Dr. told me to wait a little white before giving him solids and he also advised me of a recent study that showed kids who start solids too early can end up with a gluten intolerance. So we continued with a bottle and things went back to normal.

About 3-4 weeks ago, Smith started waking up a lot more during the night. He was up 3-4 times a night and every time he wanted to eat. Craig and I were exhausted and weren't sure why he was acting up all the sudden since he had always been a good sleeper. We tried to feed him oatmeal cereal again, but he wasn't having it. We gave up and a friend and my brother mentioned that there were flavors that we could try and he might like those better (praise to all parents who know this stuff already and care to share their wisdom). We bought banana and the kid loves it! He is now sleeping through the night and he is a much, much happier baby.

After this experience, I put a giant mental sticky note in my brain that says, "they will do things when they are ready. Every kid is different".

I have a feeling there are going to be more messy faced pictures. 

peices

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”
― Abraham Lincoln

Oh, Abe. I think everyone can learn a little someone from you now and then. In fact, this quote couldn't have come at a better time. 

If you blog, or do any sort of social media, you know what it's like to run across someone's profile, blog post, photo etc. and the thought of, "why can't my hair be that gorgeous? Why can't I look good in dark lipstick without looking all "vampy"? why can't I afford extravagant vacations?" etc. Maybe not everyone has these feelings, but I sure do.
I'm happy with my life and I need to remember all the things that I do have that others may not. I'm beyond grateful for all the things I do have and I need to be happy with who I am and how others see me. Everyone see's you differently then you see yourself. I will always find my flaws while others may not even notice these things. My husband always tells me how beautiful I am, but I will immediately say something negative about myself rather then just taking the compliment. I need to stop doing this and figure out how to love myself. I wouldn't say that I'm not confident about myself, but in someways I'm not confident at all. For example: I know I'm an quirky/awkward person, my personality can sometimes come across as "bitchy" because I have a very, very dry sense of humor. These are things that I've accepted and I'm 100% okay with that. I just need to learn to be confident in myself in other ways. I need to learn to make the very best of every situation, learn from it, grow from it, and be happy with it.

Enough of my rant. Here are some pictures and some updates. 

 ^ ^I love them both so much I could split in half.

 ^^ Grammy (my mother) bought Smith a mustache binki. Smith isn't one to take binki's, but we stick this in his mouth just to get a good laugh every once in a while.

 ^^ his current favorite bath toy is a 44 oz cup from the gas station. We try to give him other toys, but they aren't as cool as that cup. 

 ^^ Tummy time on the boppy is quite the experience now. He tries to push himself forward once we have him on it, but then this happens. We then spend the next 5 minutes watching him try to figure out how to get out of this position. He grunts and tries so hard to either roll over, or go forward. We get a good laugh out of it.

 ^^ Little Olive Grae was born! Smith is excited to have a cousin that he can run around with when the time comes. Smith doesn't know he is excited, but I decided that as his mother. She's super precious and I was excited to take her newborn photos. I love looking at these photos and seeing those extra wrinkly hands.